What a. crazy couple weeks! I just haven't really felt like writing, like at all. I've been forcing myself to write in hopes that it will help me process things. My life seems so overwhelming right now that I can't even seem to find the right words. Yet in the midst of overwhelming, there's also this overwhelming peace. Peace that is good. Peace that is from God. Things seem like a blur running through my head. So many things overlapping and crossing each other, and I'm so not sure where to start...
It is so incredibly hard for me to be in the USA... seems like its a constant struggle. Even though its been about 9 months now, I just have the hardest time feeling at home here. Being in "America" doesn't feel normal to me anymore. I miss teammates and crazy travel experiences and eating simple food and preaching the gospel in the slums and attempting to communicate in other languages. I miss buying instant coffee from a tiny corner shop, eating noodles on the side of the road, and dodging cows when I go for a morning run. I miss HAVING to rely on God for everything, which brings an incredible new aspect of trust into the relationship. It's so easy here to rely on one's self or on others rather than God. I find myself having to constantly remind myself to trust, to believe, to have faith. Reminding myself that God is the same God no matter where I am.
In the midst of it all, I know that I know that I know, that whatever it is that God is up to, it's for my good. That His faithfulness does not end and that He sees the end from the beginning, when all I see is the beginning. I know that I've needed time to rest and relax and breathe and pray and just simply be with God. And its so good. He is so powerful, so worthy, so GOOD. That in itself is encouraging to me. A reminder that I, on my own, don't have to do any of this, that I can't do any of this. But that it's ALL God. Every step of the way it has to be God. That is the most reassuring thing, because its scary, and seriously if I had to do it on my own... the scariness level would go up a whole lot!
When is a time when you have dealt with a lot of change at once, when you had to trust that God would reveal the next steps? What helped you or hindered you?
It is so incredibly hard for me to be in the USA... seems like its a constant struggle. Even though its been about 9 months now, I just have the hardest time feeling at home here. Being in "America" doesn't feel normal to me anymore. I miss teammates and crazy travel experiences and eating simple food and preaching the gospel in the slums and attempting to communicate in other languages. I miss buying instant coffee from a tiny corner shop, eating noodles on the side of the road, and dodging cows when I go for a morning run. I miss HAVING to rely on God for everything, which brings an incredible new aspect of trust into the relationship. It's so easy here to rely on one's self or on others rather than God. I find myself having to constantly remind myself to trust, to believe, to have faith. Reminding myself that God is the same God no matter where I am.
In the midst of it all, I know that I know that I know, that whatever it is that God is up to, it's for my good. That His faithfulness does not end and that He sees the end from the beginning, when all I see is the beginning. I know that I've needed time to rest and relax and breathe and pray and just simply be with God. And its so good. He is so powerful, so worthy, so GOOD. That in itself is encouraging to me. A reminder that I, on my own, don't have to do any of this, that I can't do any of this. But that it's ALL God. Every step of the way it has to be God. That is the most reassuring thing, because its scary, and seriously if I had to do it on my own... the scariness level would go up a whole lot!
When is a time when you have dealt with a lot of change at once, when you had to trust that God would reveal the next steps? What helped you or hindered you?
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